The house across the street.

I had just turned nine when we moved into what would become our ‘family’ home in 1993.  At the time, it was just my mom, step dad, and myself, until they got married the following year and then my brother came along in 1995.

Since we were new to the neighbourhood, we didn’t really know anyone so we were essentially strangers on our own street.  Prior to the move, I was excited about where we’d be living because it was known across town as the ‘cool’ neighbourhood, although it was vast in size and some areas of it were nicer than others. Our street fell somewhere in the middle — not littered with fancy, rich suburban houses with swimming pools or trampolines in the backyard like some of the other streets — but with 1970’s exteriors that had been  updated and mid-sized front and backyards that were comfortable for kids to play in.  It was — and still is — a welcoming, friendly street that has evolved over time while remaining authentic and nostalgic, the way childhood streets and homes do, except for one house.

Continue reading “The house across the street.”

you won’t see me fall apart.

I’ve been trying to sit down and write this post for days now, but every time I think about doing it I clam up, feel tears forming behind my eyelid ducts and the chest pains tighten right above my heart even more than it already is and I feel like I’m about to die, or at the very least have a panic attack.

But I need to get this out. For me. For anyone going through the same thing I do on a month-to-month basis so maybe you won’t feel the same level of loneliness I do. For those who have loved ones who experience this so maybe they, too, can understand and empathise with how crippling PMDD can be, and want to help.

Continue reading “you won’t see me fall apart.”

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.”

Every day is a battle with my physical appearance — for the most part, anyway.  This isn’t news, nor is it anything out of the ordinary. I know that it’s something we all struggle with, or have at one point.  But, we shouldn’t feel we have to be silent about it, pretend it’s not a big deal, or suppress those thoughts until they take their tole, because they do, time and time again. It’s exhausting.

Because it matters. How we feel about ourselves matters. It’s a conversation we shouldn’t be afraid of having, but we are. Continue reading ““To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.””

People are strange when you’re a stranger.

I didn’t think much of it when an older gentleman with an easy-wheel cart, full of art supplies and sketching materials, pulled up a chair next to me at the coffee shop I was in.

I was working on a couple of articles for my Monday deadline, was intent on staying focused and kept my headphones plugged in to avoid any outside distractions.  It was only Saturday,  but I wanted to send them off to my editors for review before Monday, so I was clearly On A Mission.

My perspective changed slightly without my fully realizing it when he very nicely asked if he could leave his cart behind us and told me he’d move it if need be. When I smiled and said it wasn’t a problem, he said “thank you, my friend,” and I was blown away by how sincere he sounded.

I carried on with my work, but I kept what he said in the back of my mind.

Friend.

We don’t call strangers that very often.

Continue reading “People are strange when you’re a stranger.”

On ‘being better’

I joined twitter in June of 2008, so almost seven years ago now, and I had no expectations when I first signed up.  I didn’t know what to tweet, what the point of it was, or how to find people to interact with, so I left it largely untouched for a number of months, until some time in early 2009 when I came back to it and started tweeting about hockey.   It’s been almost 7 years since I’ve been using this platform, I’ve interacted with all sorts of hockey fans from all over, have made some good friends, and have certain people in my life I would not know if it weren’t for twitter.  Over the years, there’s been a lot of things I’ve really enjoyed about twitter, but the last few months have been incredibly trying, and the bad parts have been doing its best to tarnish the good.

While that doesn’t necessarily mean the bad outweighs the good (because, again, there are certain people that twitter has led me to), seeing how destructive the hockey community has become has had me question a lot of things about ‘being better.’ Continue reading “On ‘being better’”

take courage when the road is long.

It was the middle of a work afternoon last March when I found out about Luongo being traded back to Florida; I checked twitter, saw confirmation, saw the infamous @strombone1 palm tree tweet, and then my phone blew up with a variety of text messages from all over, from anyone and everyone.  It Finally Happened.

I can’t remember everyone’s exact reactions — shock, mostly — because trading Luongo over the course of  a couple of seasons had proven to be difficult and then all of a sudden he was gone,  just like that.  Good on ya, Torts.  Way to be. I had gotten past the idea of being upset about Luongo not being on my team. All I wanted was for him to be happy somewhere else because clearly that wasn’t the case here, not anymore. Continue reading “take courage when the road is long.”

everybody put your best suit or dress on.

A year ago, when I was 29 and just shy of my 30th birthday, I didn’t expect that I’d start the new year off almost virtually rock bottom.  After roughly two weeks off from work over the holidays, I went back to work at a job that had heightened my anxiety over the course of the year, but I went back with a positive outlook to turn things around and convince myself that it would be okay.  That lasted until I was fired just three days after coming back from holidays, and thus catapulted Jocelyn’s Sinking Ship.

I spent a month unemployed, my first time ever as an adult, which was also my first time being fired from a job in the field I was working in; I was mortified of the possibility of still being unemployed by the time my 30th birthday rolled around in late February, but I accepted the first job I was offered and started exactly two weeks before the big Three-Oh. I honestly don’t know what I was more relieved about, though: the fact that I’d gotten a job,  or that I’d gotten it before I turned 30.

Continue reading “everybody put your best suit or dress on.”