I still don’t know what I was waiting for

Two years ago, I was on the verge of losing my second job in four months. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had that gut feeling something wasn’t right. I’d been having sleepless nights for weeks and woke up with crippling anxiety every morning, the voice inside my head saying, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ I’d have to psych myself to get out of bed to go to work and suppress any thoughts I had about calling in sick. I didn’t want to be the person who couldn’t come in to work because of an anxiety attack.

When I was let go from my job the morning of May 1st, a sense of relief immediately washed over me instead of panic. I didn’t have to do it anymore. I didn’t have to spend my work days counting down every minute I was closer to going home for the day. I didn’t have to spend my entire Sunday dreading the sound of my alarm going off the next morning for the start of another week I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get through.

Don’t get me wrong, losing a job sucks. It’s terrifying because you need a job to pay your rent, bills, feed yourself, and all the other basic necessities of life, especially when you’re a 30-year old woman who lives on her own. I still had an EI claim open, so luckily I was able to go back on it while I did some job searching, but that quickly turned into some soul searching instead. Continue reading “I still don’t know what I was waiting for”