Years teach us patience.

I’m never going to finish school. I’ll be here ’till I’m 30.”

I wrote this in an online journal entry on March 11, 2005, which was almost ten years ago and, clearly, the idea of being at school until the age of 30 was the Worst Thing Ever to a then 21-year old me.

Well, 21-year-old Jocelyn, the joke is on you, my friend.

When I was 21 years old, I wanted to do two things: theatre and journalism, and I was already taking several theatre courses at UCC in Kamloops before it became Thompson Rivers University, later in 2005. This is how old I am. I was hopeful in transitioning from theatre into the journalism program, but had to get some science credits, among other things, before I was able to do so. I’d already failed one geography course the semester before and was well on my way to failing another because I literally didn’t go to any of the classes.  When I wrote the final exam about a month after this online journal entry, my name had been taken off the class list because of this, so I had bullshitted my way through a final exam for nothing (other than the fact that a big fat F would end up on my transcript and I paid for a course that I never went to. Oh, 21-year-old Jocelyn, you fool).

So after taking all of this into consideration, the idea of being at school until 30 — which was probably not likely, but when you’re 21 everything is dramatic and sensationalized — was traumatizing to me.  Because, clearly, when you’re 30 Life Is Over As We Know It and What is the Point, You Old Hag?  2005 was my last year at UCC/TRU because I think I realised I needed to do some serious reflection and consideration on what I wanted to do with my life, and then a year and a half later I decided to take the easy way out by taking a legal assistant program and subsequently spent seven years in a position I was never fully committed or passionate about.

… and then I decided to go back to school at age 30 to follow the dream I had at 21 years old.

I know I’ve talked about this in great length before — what I did before, my decision to go back to school, how I felt about being 30 and going back to school — but I came across this old online journal entry because for some reason I’m feeling particularly nostalgic on a Friday night and felt like taking a trip down memory lane.  It’s strange, reading words on a screen that were written nearly ten years ago.  When you read something online that was written that long ago, it doesn’t feel like that much time has passed, and then you think about all the things you’ve done and how much you’ve grown as a person since then.  I can still go in and edit that journal entry, I can delete it even, like it never even happened, but it’s there and it stuck out like a sore thumb to me; probably because I’m getting close to 31, and I’m in school at an age when, nearly ten years ago, being in school at this age felt like the end of the world.

I’ve got news for you, 21-year old Jocelyn: it really isn’t. It’s kind of awesome, actually.

Joke’s on you.


Author: Jocelyn Aspa

early 30-something. journalist. sports fan. puns. cats. mental health advocate. not taking myself seriously (most of the time)

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