There’s nothing here to run from.

This is the kind of post I need to write for no one other than myself because maybe it will make me feel better, I don’t know.

I am panicking.

I am panicking because school is getting Very Real™. I’ve got two midterms next week, an in-class essay on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, a term paper in poli sci due on November 6, a group paper/assignment due in econ on November 17, two other papers due in English before the end of October and this doesn’t include the actual journalism courses I’m in, so there’s those assignments too.

I am panicking because I don’t want to fail. I want to do my best and I’m terrified of not doing well in my econ class, although classmates and I are studying together and going over things.

I am panicking because I am going to run out of money and I need to get a part time job so I can pay my bills and maybe eat once in awhile.

I am panicking because I am overqualified for most jobs I can apply for — having worked in law firms for almost 7 years — and no one will hire me.

I am panicking because my resume may not be as good as I hoped, or it’s too long, or it doesn’t look good and that’s why no one is getting back to me about the jobs I’ve applied for.

I am panicking that if I do get a job, I won’t be able to manage my course load and having a job but I have to do both because going to school depends on my future and getting a job while I go to school depends on the now. I cannot have one without the other.

I am panicking because I want to succeed and I don’t want my dream of being a journalist to turn into a nightmare.

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Author: Jocelyn Aspa

early 30-something. journalist. sports fan. puns. cats. mental health advocate. not taking myself seriously (most of the time)

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