How did I get here.

I am exhausted.  It’s so early into the school year — and the rest of my life, for that matter — but I am exhausted. I’m exhausted because I’m actually trying, I care about what I’m doing and I want to succeed; I’m also exhausted because this is a huge adjustment period for me.  After spending 4 months doing a whole lot of nothing — although I did a whole lot of finding myself — getting back into a routine has been a huge adjustment, but I’m enjoying it.  Getting up in the morning to go to something that I want to do sure as hell beats getting up and going to a job that I struggled hard with. Every day, for so long, I’d get up in the morning and would have to convince myself that I could do this, that it was only 8 hours, and then I’d spend every hour counting down until I got to go home.

Life shouldn’t be like that. For the first time in seven years, it isn’t for me.

So here I am, three weeks into the program, I know we haven’t even scratched the surface of the hardships, we’ll say, that I’ll go through. I know that this will be worth it, I know that I can do it, and I know that I’ve got people backing and who believe in me. I am eternally grateful to these people for helping me even come as far as I have in the last four or so months.

For the first time in a very long time, I am excited about the future of my professional career.  I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life. I’m confident in saying this so early on into the program because in my mind, this has been 10+ years in the making. I just took the road less traveled to finally get here, but here I am.

I am a firm believer of following your dreams. I am a firm believer of doing something that terrifies and exhilarates you all at once. I am a firm believer of proving to yourself that you can do something if you really want it.

Robin Williams’ character, John Keatings, said in Dead Poet’s Society: “You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all..”

I feel like I’m finally finding mine.


Author: Jocelyn Aspa

early 30-something. journalist. sports fan. puns. cats. mental health advocate. not taking myself seriously (most of the time)

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